Kailley Lindman

This weekend is going to go one of two ways. The first involves crazy beer tastings, $1 wings, 19x30ft TVs, and challah French toast topped with fried chicken and bourbon-maple syrup. The second involves not those things.

You know what they’re already calling 2014? “The Year Of The Free Tickets To 50-Chef Catered Parties With Free Beer, And Also Cheap Burgers At 11p, And Also Brioche French Toast, And Also Breakfast Burgers With A Fried Egg, Bacon Jam, And Garlic Aioli”.

Because you don’t want to leave your weekend plans out in the cold (since they’ll freeze -- it’s like negative-16 degrees outside, dude), check out this Thrillist-approved itinerary, complete with tons of free stuff, a couple new openings, and one of the greatest-sounding whiskey events of the year.

If there was one thing Oregon Trail really could’ve used back in the day, it had to be a cure for dysentery. If there were two things, though, it was probably that, and some more burlesque. Helping with the latter, our trust-worthy Weekend Playbook, which’s mapped out everything you should be doing…

Yes, you could just stay holed up in your apartment listening to the Frozen soundtrack on repeat (“I do wanna build a snowman, I do, I do, I do!!!”), or you could definitely not do that and instead check out any of these eight new spots that had the intestinal fortitude to open their doors this mont…

Don’t say we never gave you the greatest Super Bowl party guide anyone has ever given you! Seriously, we’ve combed through like, a million Super Bowl party invites, and picked out the best, cheapest, free-est, chili cook-off-est six, so that you can make this Sunday really count.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so is this list of awesome stuff you can win/book/bounce to this weekend, like a dozen free donuts, a V-Day hotel package that comes with a garter, and music-activated LED beach balls.

Dinosaur Bar-B-Que, the unassailable, upstate New York barbecue chain -- and mainstay on our list of America’s best BBQ joints -- is OPENING IN CHICAGO (!!!!!!) in the Spring of 2015 across from Joe’s Bar on Weed St. It’ll be a nearly-13,000sqft space with a rustic biker-bar vibe, a live music stage…

We’re booking a room ASAP -- they’ve got Google Glass!

And by “a burger”, we mean these five limited-time-special ones, specifically.

Adult Pop-Tarts, adult s’mores, adult dirt cups... this changes everything.

One of which you dip in guac!

Including one where you get a half-dozen... for free?

Because not all mac & cheese is created equal.

There’s a place with all-you-can-drink sake bombs?!

The new batch of worldly, decidedly unstuffy steak restaurants is making things genuinely interesting.

It’s not just for tourists anymore.

You’re going to want to make this your cheat day.

Counteract those 2am hot dogs.

Pretend like you’re vacationing on the coast.