Dan Rice

In response to the recent passing of Brian Wilson, often credited as the driving creative force behind The Beach Boys' best work, former bandmate and cousin Mike Love posted an emotional and touching tribute to the life and work of Mike Love on social media today:

In trying times, nothing feels better than an uplifting story that renews our faith. In Raleigh, North Carolina tragedy became a triumph this week when 10-year-old Tyler Hopkins was miraculously resuscitated after a fall at the playground left him clinically dead for nearly 5 minutes. He is expected to make a full recovery, and if that’s not enough to make you believe in a higher power, what Tyler he saw just might. Tyler claims he remembers leaving his body and being embraced by our Lord Satan, and can confirm hell is just a cool party place where cool people just get radical and bodacious 24/7. Can we get a HELL YES?!

Throughout my life, I had always felt completely secure in my masculinity. Then, the unthinkable happened — an alpha male lifestyle influencer on TikTok challenged it by implying people like me weren’t man-ing hard enough. I was devastated.

Yesterday, Tesla CEO and current Trump BFF Elon Musk wowed the crowd at CPAC by unveiling The Chainsaw of Bureaucracy, a legendary weapon that allows him to turn millions in budget slashing into billions with a single unfounded lie. While the mere existence of such a magical tool came as a shock to many, those in Musk’s inner circle know it is but one of many enchanted artifacts he’s collected over the years that helped make him the successful human-ish thing he is today.

Judge Juan Merchan made a second high-profile ruling earlier today when he gave 17-year-old Shawn Thomas, tried as an adult, life in prison without the possibility of parole after the teenager was found guilty of making hush money payments to adult film star Stormy Daniels.

Listen to any random musician giving an award acceptance speech and there’s about a 9/10 chance you will hear that artist thanking their fans, perhaps even saying they couldn’t have “done it” without them. I’ve gotta say, that’s always puzzled me. I’ve never been sure how that ended up in the cookie-cutter award speech template. I would like to go on record as saying that I do not thank my fans for a single thing, I do not need them, and if anything they should be thanking me more.

Here’s what we know so far about the final days of former President and legendary underworld anti-hero, Jimmy Carter.

In the book of Genesis, it is said that the Babylonians endeavored to build a tower that could reach heaven. God, feeling threatened, made them all speak in different tongues, leading to confusion and war so they would never reach their full potential. It’s a chilling metaphor for what happens when there isn’t a crappy TV show we’re all watching.

Recently leaked memos reveal that a number of Trump’s prospects for cabinet positions have in fact been cartoon characters, and everyone on his staff is too cowardly to tell him they aren’t real.

Joe Rogan’s last-minute endorsement of Donald Trump came as a shock to anyone already not already familiar with his “I’m not a conservative I just conservative a lot” schtick. Now that he’s discarded all token pretense of just being a “free-thinker,” it’s time to talk dream guests!