Benjamin Midler

SATIRE: For those students with five-star passenger ratings, finding someone with whom to share an Uber is not so simple.

A chronic anachronism, Ben enjoys well-punctuated texts and oatmeal cookies. He’s also majoring in psychology, so he knows how many fingers you’re thinking of holding up. Spam him at bmidler ‘at’ stanforddaily.com.

A chronic anachronism, Ben enjoys well-punctuated texts and oatmeal cookies. He’s also majoring in psychology, so he knows how many fingers you’re thinking of holding up. Spam him at bmidler ‘at’ stanforddaily.com.

SATIRE: In California, the administration of the coronavirus vaccine has hit a healthcare worker bottleneck: There simply aren’t enough nurses and doctors to stab people in the arm. A recent initiative seeks to remedy this problem by employing the unique talents of fourth graders who like stabbing themselves with pencils.

SATIRE: He persisted despite desperate pleas from Dr. Biden that teleprompters don’t have pages. “America...must...turn over...a new page,” President Biden could be heard mumbling.

HUMOR: "In order to differentiate ourselves, we therefore thought it best to eliminate the use of all numbers from humanities classes.”

A chronic anachronism, Ben enjoys well-punctuated texts and oatmeal cookies. He’s also majoring in psychology, so he knows how many fingers you’re thinking of holding up. Spam him at bmidler ‘at’ stanforddaily.com.

Perhaps this is a familiar feeling to others in the class of 2023, or to those who took a gap year or are co-terming: the feeling of walking around a familiar campus but not feeling like this is your Stanford, writes Ben Midler.

Musings are bite-sized vignettes of the almost-was and the could-have-been. As the quarter comes to a close, columnist Benjamin Midler, shares reflections — the sparks that were candidates for their own columns — but weren’t quite.