Alice Lahoda

“I don’t know why I have a headache. all I do is look at screens much of the day then go out in the sun for hours then grind my teeth all night” —@danielleweisber

“Told my sister I had to buy rice krispy treats cause I’m snack mom for my daughter’s game and she said why don’t you just make them and I said I’m sorry you have the wrong number and hung up on her.” —@itssherifield

“Told my sister I had to buy rice krispy treats cause I’m snack mom for my daughter’s game and she said why don’t you just make them and I said I’m sorry you have the wrong number and hung up on her.” —@itssherifield

“Overheard my kids whispering outside my bedroom door and one of them said ‘she hasn’t had coffee yet’ and then they both backed away from my door and it was quiet again.” —@kristabellerina

I shouldn’t have to say this, but bathroom doors shouldn’t be see-through. 🚽👀

“How can you hold on to the right things, if you can’t let go of the wrong things...” —@tkelce (classic Libra♎)

“The cost of car insurance when they start driving. Your insurance payments will triple — and then there’s the cost of the ‘minor’ accidents they get into. 🙄”

Mid-sneeze, making weird faces, eyes glowing in the dark — essentially anything that makes you laugh out loud and go “WTF.”

“The teacher said in front of the class that it wasn’t his fault that I had ‘a tramp for a mother.’ I was 12 years old.”

These freaky little goofballs are too pure for this world.