thebeaverton.com
WASHINGTON D.C. - The United States Department of Justice has released a joint statement with the Federal Bureau of Prisons, announcing the tragic suicide of notorious sex trafficker and Jeffrey Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell, which will be happening later next week.
2 months ago
thebeaverton.com
OTTAWA - Pollsters report a split among Canadians over the idea of higher tax on the assets of wealthy individuals, though support skyrockets after noting that Kevin O'Leary has vowed that he will respond to a wealth tax by moving far away.
2 months ago
thebeaverton.com
CALGARY - Addressing a rally of Conservative voters at the Calgary Stampede, Opposition Leader Pierre Poilievre has vowed to "reinstill a warrior culture, not a woke culture", thanks to his latest complete style makeover.
3 months ago
thebeaverton.com
NORTH AMERICA - The much-discussed epidemic of male loneliness has reportedly been resolved, for just the duration of the 2026 FIFA World Cup.
3 months ago
thebeaverton.com
OTTAWA - With much of Canada and the United States gripped by an unseasonal heat wave, federal officials have announced construction of new natural-gas-intensive data centres, aimed at using artificial intelligence to solve the mystery of the high temperatures.
3 months ago
thebeaverton.com
"How is this money gonna get raised, they'll pass the hat? GoFundMe? OnlyFans?"
4 months ago
thebeaverton.com
OTTAWA - With CBC losing the rights to air Hockey Night In Canada, meaning fans must now pay to watch it on Rogers Sportsnet, the entirety of Canadian culture now consists solely of butter tarts, and comedic actor Eugene Levy.
4 months ago
thebeaverton.com
CALGARY - Speaking to a crowd of supporters, Pierre Poilievre urged Albertans to vote to stay part of Canada, partly for national unity, and mostly because he doesn't want to have to find a third federal riding to run in, in just under 2 years.
4 months ago
thebeaverton.com
OTTAWA - Prime Minister Mark has unveiled his new federal AI strategy, promising Canadians that artificial intelligence technology is the most advanced, efficient way to surrender all of our collective wealth to US Tech oligarchs.
4 months ago
thebeaverton.com
COLUMBUS, OH - Jack Smarnoff, CEO of tech firm Confinity AI, is reportedly confused as to why the graduating class of Ohio State University are loudly booing his commencement speech, specifically the point where he referred to them as "unprofitable meat relics".
5 months ago
thebeaverton.com
Guest host Ian MacIntyre is joined by panellist Nile Séguin along with special guests Kyah Green (The Fandom Show) and Andrew Ivimey (new standup special "Let's Go" online now!)
6 months ago
